Deuteronomy 6:10-25 "I'm going to possess the Land in Indiana!"

^"10And it shall be, when the LORD thy God shall have brought thee into the land which he sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildedst not, ¹¹And houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou diggedst not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not; when thou shalt have eaten and be full; ¹²Then beware lest thou forget the LORD, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. ¹³Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name. ¹⁴Ye shall not go after other gods, of the gods of the people which are round about you; ¹⁵(For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you) lest the anger of the LORD thy God be kindled against thee, and destroy thee from off the face of the earth. ¹⁶Ye shall not tempt the LORD your God, as ye tempted him in Massah. ¹⁷Ye shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and his testimonies, and his statutes, which he hath commanded thee. ¹⁸And thou shalt do that which is right and good in the sight of the LORD: that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest go in and possess the good land which the LORD sware unto thy fathers.¹⁹To cast out all thine enemies from before thee, as the LORD hath spoken. ²⁰And when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, What mean the testimonies, and the statutes, and the judgments, which the LORD our God hath commanded you? ²¹Then thou shalt say unto thy son, We were Pharaoh's bondmen in Egypt; and the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand: ²²And the LORD shewed signs and wonders, great and sore, upon Egypt, upon Pharaoh, and upon all his household, before our eyes: ²³And he brought us out from thence, that he might bring us in, to give us the land which he sware unto our fathers. ²⁴And the LORD commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the LORD our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive, as it is at this day.²⁵And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments before the LORD our God, as he hath commanded us." 

Wow, that's awesome! This seems like a really weird passage and you would think that the Lord couldn't speak to me through it because it's not even talking about me. I mean I am a Gentile, I'm not from Israel, and I wasn't ever in Egypt. But it's everything that it represents, thus, the symbolism makes it relate to me. I read this randomly the other day and was just blown away. Verse 10, this is what brought me to look more closely at the passage, "When the Lord, thy God, shall have brought thee into the land which He swore unto thy fathers." This to me is more speaking of the land He wants me to conquer, not really physical land but spiritual land in my walk with Him. He's says, I swore to even your fathers and everyone before you that if you just follow Me you will have this spiritual land because I have promised it to you. He tells us that He will be faithful to complete the work that He began in us. To complete that work He needs to Work in me and complete things that haven't been completed or things that I am scared that can't be completed. For instance, going home was something that I was a little afraid to do because my walk with the Lord always suffers when I am at home, but the Lord needs to work that fear out of me and work in His conquering Spirit. Verse 11 I would say as a joke that this is why I am moving in with my mom, a house full of all good things; food, gas and electric paid, etc. haha. All the joys of home. No I am just kidding but it's a thought. Verse 12 is so key, Egypt is like our old persons before we were saved and I believe it can also refer to our old sin nature. So the Lord says, don't forget things that you came from and I helped you conquer. Remember those things from the past and don't go back to them. I know being in New Mexico the Lord has helped me conquer a lot of big issues in my life before I came out here. He explains to not forget the things of the past, "the house of bondage," just the bondage that specific sin put me in. Verse 13 I know a lot of people have asked me, are you sure about this Hayley, you are involved in so many ministries and you have so many friends... but the Lord's says Serve ME, swear by Me Not what you friends say you should do, what seems right in the sight of man, or even what your fears tell you- serve only Him. Verses 14 and 15 are very key again, don't go to the land that I am giving you and abuse where you are. Go there and still you must serve Me, He is still jealous for us. Which this jealousy thing really is so beautiful, I am not worthy enough for Him to be jealous for but He is still. This jealousy thing also reminds me of the book of Hosea where a harlot and a good Christian guy are married. He should never love her or be jealous of her but he is because he loves her and wants to help her out of her sin. In a lot of ways this is our relationship with the Lord! That is why the whole book was written, to show us as the harlot and Hosea as God. Verse 17 He just wants me to remember again, remember your testimonies, remember My statues that I have instilled in you, remember to also continue to keep my commandments, that there is some reproofing to still be done in you. Which leads in to verse 18, to continue to do good in the sight of the Lord. So that I can possess the good land or what is good for me. Verse 19 we want to cast out the enemies that will tangle us up or cause us grief. Many times here in New Mexico the Lord has shown me when I was worried about something or someone, He says listen to Me-keep your eyes on Me and I will work things out. Then finally, verses 20-25 explain to just continue to tell the story of what the Lord has done in your life and why your live the life you live. This is part of the reason we go through the things we do, to refine us as well as have a story for the person that is going through the same thing. The Lord is amazing! 

In conclusion, I am moving to Indiana because I believe the Lord has a plan for me there at this time. I don't know where I am going to work or how the community college will transfer, but I do know that He will work everything out. I have been so blessed to come to NM and experience the people here and culture. I am sure that I will have friends forever here, but I know this is the calling of the Lord. Please pray for me if you get a chance, I have a short time between now and then and I am still very busy as is-finishing school at the end of July, going to a friends wedding in California, and work. The Lord is Good!

"Should I stay or should I go now..." -The Clash

So yeah, the good ol' Clash with all their hit singles. I really like the one, "I fought the law and the Law won," so fun! Anyway, so the meaning of the title for this blog...Should I stay or should I go now, if I go there will be trouble, but if I stay there will be double! That's my favorite line, which is so true. I have a heart to move back home sooner than later, however it's all a mess either way. If I go there will be trouble, there's just some things that might not line up all together, but if I stay there will be double! I am planning on moving because my two roommates are moving out which leaves me with only one roommate and we haven't been able to find anything to live in or anyone else to room with us. So I will either be all mixed up in Indiana, or homeless in New Mexico! haha. No, that's a little extreme, but I definitely am leaning one way obviously. 

Seriously though, here are my fears, which I can go ahead and blog because Faith's the only one that reads this thing anyway...hah. I just know that when I go home I get in the groove of things. It's always comfortable there and I get in this desert place with the Lord. This is really my biggest fear, but I know that if I were to get involved in ministry that this would also help a lot. My thing about staying in New Mexico is that I really don't have the heart to stay here. My big secret on my last blog was that in May of 2009 Faith and Kourtney are wanting to start a church in the Indianapolis area. So no matter I will be moving home, however, it's not for a while still. It's just that I don't really have a place to stay in August through May, my school ends in August and I just started this new job so there's not a huge attachment there. I could start school at Ivy Tech for fall semester, live at home and possibly commute to Lafayette for work. 

I don't know, there are a lot of possibilities in Indiana. On the other hand, there are a couple possibilities here in Albuquerque as well. The Lord could change my heart and find Mandy and I a house to live in with or without another roommate. I would continue in school and move back home in May. Which is really the exact same thing I would be doing in Indiana just minus the desert like weather and adobe houses...haha. Of course, I don't know what's going on, but as always the Lord does. He always, always reassures me in His Word and once again He has spoken. Just this morning He said in Luke 18:1-8, "Then HE spoke a parable to them that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, saying: 'There was in a certain city a judge who did not fear God, not regard man. Now there was a window in that city, and she came to him saying, Get Justice for me from my adversary. And he would not for a while; but afterward he said within himself, Though I do not fear God or regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.' Then the Lord said: 'Hear what the unjust judge said. And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that HE will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?'" This verse was just so perfect for what I am going through and just comforts me to know that He is speaking to me, but just now exactly what I want to hear right now. He says that He will avenge His elect and He will speedily. Now that I read that and type it out it sounds a little different then how I heard it this morning. This is speaking more about the avenging of their adversaries, however I was thinking on how the Lord says that He will answer them that cry out to Him. By prayer and supplication is how we are heard and I am definitely praying and crying out to see what He will say, but He says in my time I will tell you. It's like when someone says as soon as I know you will too. Of course the Lord already knows, but as soon as it is good for me to know then I will know speedily. I don't know the Lord is so good and He knows what is right for me. That's why I'm really not freaking out about anything, it's always for Him to decide and I just sit back and wait. Of course I am human and I despise the waiting game, but it's all worth it for a season. 

My brain is a little scattered now that I read this back, but again, who really reads this anyway...hah. Plus truly that's how my brain feels, a little scattered. So I will end with another/ lyric, "This indecision's buggin' me, if you don't want me set me free!" haha. That song is awesome, I tried to get a youtube video of it on here but I can't figure out how to do it so you will just have to check it out yourself!! Here's the website:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

Well everyone, another interesting blog in the life of Hayley. 

Message me if you have the courage, otherwise enjoy my little blog. 

Talk to you next month with the status!

New Job

So everyone, the Lord is always faithful and He has given me a new job. I started working for a place called Direct Buy, which is a members only showroom for merchandise that the members can buy at retail prices. I am their receptionist, however the boss told me while interviewing that as positions open up, there is a possibility for advancement. I started on sunday and I like it, it is pretty laid back. There is a lot of opportunity to witness with my fellow co-workers so that is always great. I really don't have a lot going on other than that, just going to be working and going to school. I have a drawing, english, and math class. The pictures are some sketches that I did for an assignment. Can you tell what the top one is?? The semester is over the last week of July though so it should go by pretty quickly. I have new news however I have been sworn to secrecy until it is time to reveal it to everyone. There are honestly not that many people that read this, but I guess the 2 people that do will have to wait until I will be able to announce it...dauh, dauh, dauh...until next time!

Hello All! You are probably wondering what the photos are from. The top three are from a camping trip I was just able to go on and the others are from an event called "St. Baldricks". I have been so blessed to be able to do all these different events and help out with different things at church. But, how do I have all this time to spend doing these things, you might ask. Which is what this blog is all about. After resigning from a job as a leasing consultant I got a job with three different families as their nanny. I had been doing that for about a month and just truly loving working with the kids and just loving my job. One day about two weeks ago I made a very bad decision to take one of the boys I nannied for across the street to a park in my car without a car seat. This was of course a big mistake and a dumb move on my part. His mother caught me and fired me on the spot, of course. It was so weird how it happened and funny how I had a way out, to be able to turn around or go back to the house once I started feeling convicted. But I chose to ignore those feelings and keep going. I realized the devastated look on the mother's face and understood my actions completely. It reminded me of a time when I was living in Chicago with my mom and I snuck out to go camping in my friends back yard that lived down the street. As I was walking there my mom drove by in her car and I saw the horrified look on her face and how scared she was and I ran to my friend's house so that I could catch up with my mom and let her know I was okay. It is just something that you cannot take back after it's done and something I regret doing so much. 

As I left their house to go home I knew that I was going to also need to tell the other two families that I worked for what had happened. I went home and wrote them an e-mail thinking with a maybe 1% chance that they would actually fire me as well. But sure enough I received an e-mail back from them that stated they would no longer need me as well. 

I was in shock the entire day, I couldn't believe in a matter of hours I had lost all three of my jobs and was currently without. I put out this story on craigslist.com to ask parents if I should ever nanny again and what their thoughts were on the subject. I put it on the San Diego craigslist and the Indianapolis one as well. I received about 15 e-mails from the San Diego craigslist and nothing from the Indianapolis one. 14 of the e-mails were very uplifting and most from fellow christians just explaining that there will be people to forgive and forget and to press forward. Some said that because this event happened that the Lord definitely has something a lot better out there for me and just mainly a change of pace. I was very happy to hear from all of these fellow believers and also just regular people-strangers in fact that I should try for another nanny job. But of course there was one lady that said I should never nanny again and that she is scared for anyone that would trust me. I e-mailed her back though and just explained that the Lord would direct my steps and we will see where he would have me. 

More than anything though, the LORD has been most faithful. Continuously speaking to me in His word, reassuring me by who He is, it's been very good for my walk with Him. He gave me the verse in Jeremiah 29:11-13 from about 5-6 different people by now and just explaining different aspects of what it means to me. It is a very popular verse, but it spoke to me directly, here it is, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of PEACE and not of evil to give you an expected end (or some translations say to give you a future and a hope). Then shall you call upon Me and you shall go and pray unto Me, and I will hear you. And you shall seek Me and find Me, when you shall search for Me with all your heart." I mean of course so many things in the verse, but one thing that stuck out so much is the PEACE. I have had such tremendous peace throughout this whole time of waiting and seeking for another job. It's funny too because a lot of people will say this verse from memory and say 'thoughts of good and not evil' instead of peace. It doesn't say good because the opposite of evil is not good it is peace, it is calm, it is 'no worries, be happy' you know. Everything is not good all the time as a christian, well in the main scheme of things it is all good because of Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose," but it's not all rainbows and smiles I guess is more what I am saying. It's not all bloated bank accounts and fast cars, it's not what the world calls good. It is hard times and faith building testimonies of the Lord's provision, that is the christian walk. Then it is also faith building-JOY! I am so joyful now not having a job and having to be so cautious and prayerful about what money I should and shouldn't spend. But then the Lord showed me that this is the way I should always act with my money whether it is in abundance or not, Ephesians 6:18 "Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit.." 

So that's that, I still do not have a job but have put out my resume so much and went to about 3 different staffing companies. I hadn't really looked at nanny jobs too much, but then I got an e-mail from one of the nanny websites I am registered with and they had a perfect job for me, Mon-Fri and everything. I have an interview with them tomorrow but I'm not really expecting anything, I of course will tell them what happened before and explain everything. Actually one of the families that fired me is going to still give references for me if I need them so it's not too bad. We will see what the Lord does. 

But other than that, since I have had some free time I have been able to do some more ministry things. St Baldricks is a cancer foundation that raises money to keep perusing a cure for children's cancer. Why there are so many bald heads is because people shave their heads to be like the cancer patients that have lost their hair, then they will donate money for the haircut. They made $100,000 in New Mexico because they were in Santa Fe and made 50K and came to Albuquerque and made the other half. It was so hard to see kids just so weak and feeble carrying around their IV's and fluids with them. There was one particular girl that really stood out to me, she was a beautiful probably 13-15 year old and she looked really athletic and had beautiful long hair. She was one of the ones carrying around an IV and then also she had to wear a mask because cancer breaks down your ammune system. Just to think she was probably in middle school when she found out and how hard middle school is already and then having cancer. It just tore me up, but I know that the Lord does have a plan for her, even if she is not seeking after Him. It's just hard to see, but it was such a great experience and I wouldn't have been able to if I was working. Then going camping with all these amazing christians and just getting to spend time with the Lord on the edge of a cliff in front of a enormous lake, it was just really cool. Everything was really cheap too because there were so many of us so the whole weekend (Thursday thru Sunday) was $40 for everything; gas, food, housing, etc. The Lord really stretched our food and we had a huge abundance of food left over it was just crazy. 

But anyway these are the recent events that have been going on. Of course I got my pup and he's so great, he always is teaching me things and I just love him to death. He's great and such a smart boy, he went camping with us and I had no problems at all. He got bit by an ant the last day and whined a lot from that but I got him calmed down and he was fine. He couldn't wait to get home though and see his friends here, my roommates two dogs. 

In closing, I guess these are my prayer requests and praise reports as well. I am very blessed and so happy to be where I am, exactly where the Lord has me. I will write again soon I hope and let everyone know what the Lord does with my job situation. I love you all-Keep in the Faith. 

God Bless

The WEEKEND!

For those that aren't aware, there is an annual-monumental event at Calvary of Albuquerque called... "The Weekend"! I was a part of it this past weekend and I had such an amazing time. This is an event for middle-schoolers from 6th grade all the way up to high schoolers in 12th grade and anywhere in between. It is a weekend from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon where it's just you and your group all weekend long. It's sort of like a retreat, but we stay in Albuquerque. We stay Friday and Saturday night at a "host home", which pretty much explains it, a home that hosts about 10 girls or 1o guys plus their leaders. Then the whole weekend you go to the church for these different sessions and we have worship and a speaker come. The twist is that one day you play the Y-Games which intails eating a lot of gross things for money and doing weird things. All the while, dressed in whatever your group decides is your theme. Which can be anywhere from fast food workers to a glam band as a theme, but it should coincide with the theme of "The Weekend", which was the 80's of course. 

My group's theme was "The 80's Punk Rockers" aka "The Young Ones", which comes from, of course, an 80's punk-band name. I might look ridiculous but it was the most fun I have had since... probably Bible College. The first picture is our 7th grade girl group, can you find me? My co-leader was the one in the red leather jacket, yeah I picked it out! Then the next picture down is one of the guy leaders, me in the middle if you can even believe it, and then my co-leader again, Seruih. The next picture down was the 7th grade boys group. Their so cute, I did their make-up and I must admit their pictures better than ours :( 

Pretty crazy weekend, but awesome spiritually. I am a leader for the middle school group at my church "Velocity" and it's definitely the hardest ministry I do. The kids are just too cool for school, they intimidate me. But I just really see the Lord humbling me with this ministry because it's not something that I'm not always stoked to do, but it's so needed for me to be there. This is the age that most people give their lives to the Lord and decide what type of life they are going to live. To these kids their style is kind of a way of life, whether it be a christian-punk, secular-dork, or a clueless-prep. This is the stage that they are deciding who they are and who they are going to be because of the friends they hang out with or the music they listen to. This is the molding time, it's just that they don't want to be molded by just anyone, they want to be molded by someone cool, or someone they can look up to, someone who inspires them. 

It's a hard thing to be, someone cool or someone to look up to and that's why it's a tough ministry. But it's also why this weekend was so good, I got to know this small group of girls and hear what they think about and remember what it was like to be their age. It made me want to relate to them so much more because once you get them talking you almost cant stop them. Then once you start talking and they trust you they will listen to every little word you say, especially if you say a word wrong or if you don't make sense, they catch onto things like that like no other. Because of that though it made my Velocity ministry all the more worth while, I can reach these kids and they will pay attention. 

Also, more than that this weekend really ministered to my heart. When you are serving, the Lord always seems to teach you things so much, maybe even more than when you are attending and not serving, I don't know, maybe. But the Lord just showed me so much in my flesh, all these ministries I am involved in I am not making an impact at all. I am just going and going and not spending any time with Jesus, the whole reason I am doing all the ministries. It just seemed so ridiculous to me, like Hayley what are you doing and why are you doing it. When we were in one of the small groups on that friday night, I just remember wanting the girls to open up and tell us wonderful things the Lord is doing in their lives. But I remember thinking, what types of things is the Lord showing me or teaching me? I mean He's always teaching me something whether I am in the Word or not, but when I am in His Word it's Oh so much sweeter and clear and He's speaks way more. I don't know I guess it just hit me because lately I have been over analyzing EVERYTHING and I feel so confused and I am like Lord why am I so confused. I thought He would be teaching me one thing, but it would change and I was like Lord you are not the author of confusion and I know this so why do you seem to be saying one thing and then it ending up to be another? What is going on? Then it just hit me, Duh Hayley, you haven't been in the Word and of course it's confusing because you hear all the whole world talking before you actually hear Me. Yeah, that is confusing. 

Actually, I just watched this amazing video that really displays this exact thing. Go to http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=15552926 now, then after you watch read the next paragraph. 

This is definitely not a silly, cheesy little skit. I love that the girl meets Jesus first. This can sort of be interpreted two different ways, one way is that she met Jesus and she was dead "spiritually" before she met Him. This is why maybe her head was down in the very beginning and she didn't liven up until Jesus awakened her, I would call this getting "saved". Then Jesus moves with her and she does all the things He does, she sees life in a whole new light when Jesus is showing her new things around her. Or the other way is that she wasn't saved first because she was wearing the black shirt and then after all her dealings with the world she does get "saved" and then wears a white shirt, representing holiness. But then what was the beginning part with Jesus about then you might ask. Well I think it could also be the beginning of her life, because the Lord says "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you," (Jeremiah 1:5a). Maybe this was when Jesus was forming her in the womb, what type of women she would be, as He lifted her arms and legs. Then it's her journey through the world and the trials she faces without the Lord and always reaching for Him when she's in trouble. Either way you interpret it, it's an amazing story. I sort of prefer the one where she is saved first then goes through all the trials with the world. It's brutally honest and completely true, of course not the same things in everyone's life like drinking or wanting to commit suicide, or struggling with eating disorders but it's all still the same thing, self satisfaction, self self self. It's so funny how there are so many thoughts and more skits like this that show all the drugs and "bad stuff" first then they find Jesus and it's a whole new wonderful life with no struggles at all. It's not the complete opposite it's just different after Jesus. First, you are ruined to your old life, nothing satisfies as well as Him anymore and if you try other things instead of having Him satisfy you then it just doesn't feel the same, it doesn't taste the same. But some people just dive into it more and more because they think they'll forget about Jesus one day, and they do, but the Lord says worst off are those that know His word and choose not to follow after it. But for those that stick it out and continue in the faith, those are the most satisfied. Yes, they may get off track every once in a while or they may a lot. But when they seek the Lord and continue in their race, they know their end. I fear for those out there that do not know their end, like in this skit there are those that were trying to get the girl to stay with them and fighting against the Lord to get her. Where were they in the end, what happened to them? They fell, they were thrown back to the ground, it's sad to say, but it's where they belonged. The Lord says if you are not for Me then you are against Me. There has been and will be many times in my life that I am not for the Lord, but am against Him. Not reading His word and trying to minister to His people is one way of being against Him. Of course the Lord is sovereign towards us, but there is a point when you are too much against Him. No one else knows that point except the Lord, but it's a scary place to waver at that point or anywhere close by. It's definitely something to think about and something to more than that, ACT ON! Don't anyone dare read this and watch that video without taking an inward look into your life and change what needs to be fixed. It might seem confusing to you right now on how to do that, it might seem impossible. But if the Lord's making you think of it then the Lord Almighty can give you a way. Take it. 

But I just love when I see the Lord speaking so clear because the things of the world are gone for a moment. I love forgiveness and starting anew again with the Lord by my side.

Short but Sweet

I just mainly wanted to write to keep up with my promise of writing every week. I wanted to also post some pictures of my lovely home, of me, and of my new pup I'm getting on the 11th of April! I am so blessed and I will write of all the more recent blessings in another blog, once everything is set in place. But for now here are some pictures!

Beautiful Scriptures from the Book of Job

I wanted to also give out some of my favorite scriptures from the book of Job since this was my theme this past blog:

1:20 "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord."

4:5 "But now it comes upon you, and you are weary; It touches you, and you are troubled." I think here Eliphaz is saying, 'you know, you help and encourage everyone around you, now it happens to you and you have no hope'. Because in the next line, this is what Eliphaz believes that Job was hoping in. 

4:6 "Is not your reverence, your confidence? And the integrity of your ways your hope?" Elipaz believed that Job's reputation of reverence and integrity of the Lord was his hope and his salvation. I'm not really certain of that, but it's funny how your friends don't always give the best advice. Also going through this time, I have learned to speak with the Lord my troubles lately because sometimes friends get drained of your need to vent. Vent to the Lord, I have realized because of a million reasons that you already know of!

5:8 "But as for me, I would seek God, and to God I would commit my cause." Eliphaz does give some good advice and one of the million reasons you should talk to God about your issues. Because it says so in the Bible! 

5:17,18 "Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole." I love the personal touch that this verse uses, 'His hands make whole', Which Job didn't know this at the time and it didn't happen yet, however, Jesus touches you with His hands that have been through it all-pierced for our transgressions! Not only did He do that but then He heals us with those same hands! 

6:11 "What strength do I have that I should hope?" Job has no strength, this whole chapter he's like whoa is me and this is why I love this book, he's so like me! Aww, man what strength do I have in myself, and God's like in your weakness I AM (is) strong- not you Job. 

7:17,18 "What is man that You should exalt him, that You should set Your heart on him, that You should visit him every morning and test him every moment?" Whoa! This verse is so powerful! Really think of God's heart for us and our heart for Him, whoa, scary. 

(Then Job says, "How long? Will You not look away from me, and let me alone till I swallow my saliva?" (v. 19) Job's just like, leave me alone, your love for me is too much, too hard! This reminds me of a story of a psalm 119:75 "I know, Oh Lord, that Your judgements are right and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me." I have a mind-blowing story about the first time I ever laid eyes on this scripture. While I was in Hungary there was a family there, missionaries going to the school. A husband and wife and two sweet, beautiful little girls. I think just the husband was going to the school, but he had some disease that flared up while he was attending. I mean this guy had brought his whole family to just sit at the feet of the Lord and learn and was just following the Lord's plan for his life. Well most of the semester had gone by and I had never seen the husband, just the wife with the two little ones. Of course, I heard what was going on, we would pray for him all the time as a school body. But I would just see this wife and two children everyday come and get each meal and not seem to be too bothered most of the time. All the while, the husband is in this Hungarian Hospital on his literal death bed, in a Hungarian Hospital none the less. I mean if you have been to a Hungarian Hospital it is most definitely like the movies, like you would not even want to drink out of the water fountain, it seemed so dirty. Anyway, day in and day out this women and two children just keep going on with their lives, seemingly untouched. I mean honestly every once in a while I would see the older women of the college gathering around her and praying for her or just speaking with her and I saw her cry and the children would ask if their father was coming home soon, etc. Really though most of the time it was pretty normal. So then one day when the whole school was gathered for morning devotions or something this man gets up to talk and he was so skinny and frail. He looked like he was way older than he probably was and just sickly. He spoke of being in the hospital and of his disease and really that he was dying. He talked about how he was speaking to the Lord and said that he wanted to see his girls get married and grow up. He wanted to keep living, then he pulls out this scripture. He says, the Lord gave him this scripture for such a time as this, "I know, Oh Lord, that your judgements are right. And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me." I remember specifically that he said, if God were not faithful to me then He would not afflict me, if God did not love me then He would have not afflicted me, He would be unfaithful and unloving if He hadn't. Wow. That is all the Lord's strength and none of His own! How faithful has God been to you lately, how loving?)

I have many a more scriptures underlined in the book of Job, but I feel maybe this is enough to get my love for the book across! Also, I wanted to say that the Lord has blessed me with an awesome computer and I am going to be writing something every single week, for real this time, also with pictures!!!