The Job Syndrome

Job is one of top favorite books of the Bible. Not because he suffered so much, but because he was human! At first he gets along great, he says the famous line to his awful wife, "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" This is only in the second chapter though, and yes Job did experience a lot of hardship but I think more than that he experienced it for a long period of time. This was the part that he couldn't withstand, he wanted to serve God he wanted to have a good heart about all his hardship but he didn't understand it and he couldn't resolve it in his head. Also, neither could his friends, his friends go on and on about what he has done wrong and how he can fix it. All the while not knowing that God was allowing this just to test Job, amongst all the other wonderful things only God and Job could attest for. I also love the book of Job because it has so much scripture that is so rich and will just hit you right when you need it. Not a lot of pastors or speakers really talk about the book of Job a lot or quote it. This is my favorite reason I love it, I can go through it myself with no preconceived ideas about it, no one else putting ideas in my head while I read. I love when I find scripture like that so fresh, so new to me personally. 

The reason I bring this up is because I feel like Job right now. And I realize I'm a total drama queen and it's really not that bad, but I feel beat up spiritually and just messed with by the devil. My job is horrible and I've been looking for another job since before Christmas. I have this ministry where I am the leader of a group and I feel completely inadequate being the leader. We are going through a book by C.S. Lewis called 'Mere Christianity'. Very good book but I just don't know what to talk about. Plus it's just with all my struggles and all the Lord is working out in me right now, then listening to what the girls have to say in my group I'm just like wow, they should be leading this group. This girl in my group is amazing and just witnessing to her family like crazy and I feel like I cant even hardly talk to my family about anything because I don't want to offend them. How selfish of me! I don't know, that's just something really cool that the Lord has given me but a huge challenge. 

Back to the job thing, that's just really hard. Constantly, everyday I come home and feel just spiritually and physically swamped. I started really praying about it and how to fix or how to make things easier, but today all that happened is my manager and I just got in this huge debate on how she's different then my other manager and I just need to get used to it, and that I am overbearing and set in my ways and have my beliefs and I wont waver. The beliefs thing, I think, GREAT! Then everything else is exactly what I have been trying my hardest not to do. I don't feel overbearing, I feel walked all over. I don't see myself not wanting to do things her way I feel like I'm trying to learn everything with no help from her. It's just a slap in the face when you keep treading and treading and you are getting no where but deeper under water. This whole time I'm trying to be a good witness to them for Christ and completely failing. 

After the little spat, my manager said, didn't you get in an argument with the other manager? Maybe you just need to argue with everyone first before you start being flexible. It was like a complete line from the devil, or maybe it's true I don't know. And this is the whole problem, I don't know anymore! I know I have a lot of changing to do, I realize that but I thought that I was doing really well. Maybe the whole thing is I'm just doing everything in the flesh, or maybe the Lord is just testing me and wanting to me grow so much in this broken time. I mean I absolutely know that is true, the Lord is constantly wanting us to be refined in the fire. This is why really I get all upset and then the Lord just reminds me. He says, don't worry I cant give you anything that you can't handle and I wont so keep treading because I am going to one day walk on the water and pull you out. Did He not pull Job out and bless his socks off! Well, yes, of course! Even richer than he was before, I think of that in a more spiritual sense than money. I think He blessed him with Love, Joy, Peace, Long suffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, and Temperance. Does this sound familiar, all the fruits of the Spirit. The fruit of being with the Spirit, the fragrance of the Spirit. So when I think of all these things I cant help but forget my troubles completely and just praise the Lord! But it is something that I constantly have to remind myself and come back to everyday, every hour and sometimes I don't and I want to just sulk and feel sorry for myself. But then I think, how is this helping my witness if I make myself the victim. 

Anyway all that to say, if you are feeling like Job and getting beat up Spiritually just persevere, through the Lord, not in your own strength. My own strength stresses me out and I start bugging everyone around me because I'm being "crabby" and again I'm getting no where! So please pray for me if you think of it, or right now while you are reading this because I need help! In my heart I'm excited because actually my current job is ending and they have no where for me to go because I don't know how long I will keep my full-time hours if I were to get a different job. Because of that I'm excited to see what the Lord will provide and what He will put into place for me. Gotta love those crunch times!